dont forget

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 02:47:48 GMT

I want to know what your life has been like without me.
I want to know how you are feeling and what you think
of me now. I want to remember more of how things
used to be with you, but I cant. I cant even remember
you saying a word. All I remember are the motions.
We went through the motions & what is left? silence.
You are silent. I am silent. We just glance at eachother
now. And we shift our eyes back to the present and
pretend like nothing happened but secretly I keep
thinking of you.

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:51:01 GMT

its my birthday.

sweet.

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:49:56 GMT

What a crazy weekend.
I saw someone get arrested.
I got a seatbelt ticket from a dickhead cop.
I got to see a light show.
I went to the cherry festival twice.
I got to see my best friend.
Cody kissed me <3
I made grilled cheese sandwhiches
for the whole gang.
My birthday is in two days.

My life is getting better and better.

I need a job.

Im working on a new acrylic with an old man smoking
a pipe. Its coming alot very well. I need to get my portfolio going.

Fri, 30 May 2008 14:06:39 GMT

Cherry Festival was good.
Very good.

I walked around with D and
Jerika all night. Jerika is a very
cool girl; nothing like i expected.

We went to Cassies car and
got high out of a KAZOO.

Wow, its cool to be high at
a festival. The lights, oh the
lights<3

Im getting drunk tonight.

Oh how Im wasting away.
Its summer-Ill be good by fall.

Thu, 29 May 2008 12:42:29 GMT

This weekend should be loads of fun.
Things just keep getting better and better.
I love the cherry festival. Its such a good time
just to mingle, screw the rides.

I talked to Cody for almost two
hours last night.
I said I was happy before,
but nothing compares to this.

PLANS!?

Wed, 28 May 2008 12:45:12 GMT

I cant wait for the Cherry Festival.

I cant wait for my birthday.

I cant wait till Friday.

I cant wait till school is over.

Tue, 27 May 2008 13:41:18 GMT

This past weekend has been one of
my best yet.

Stephanie spent the night on Friday
and finally, we are getting closer.
Jesse made a move on me @ his
house while Nelson was there.
Icky.

Saturday night I had Maggs spend
the night and my parents didnt even
know she was staying. I made a fool
out of myself at Jesse's. Still, it was
a good night. Drank a bit.

Sunday I got to see D, I was so excited!
She is such a cool girl. We went to see
Tim's new apartment. I wore uggs. I
had a good time. Except Im never hanging
out with Tim when he is drunk ever again.
He gets all perverted. He is supposed to
be my good friend. Im not interested.
On the other hand, a very cute boy caught
my eye this night, and I have spent every
minute since, talking to him.

Monday. NO SCHOOL! It was such a good
day, though I was supposed to get some
money, and I never did.
I fell asleep in my moms car while it was
sitting in the drive way.
I talked to HIM all night :D

Mon, 26 May 2008 21:21:52 GMT

Boy, you make me smile.
You make me smile like
a little girl on a summer day.

Thu, 22 May 2008 12:52:45 GMT

Oh, and last night, I found out I have
softball practice in Delevan at 12 on
Saturday. Finally Im going to have
something to occupy my time and
to help keep other things off my mind.
Man, we are going to dominate this summer.

I hope I get to see Dean saturday.

Thu, 22 May 2008 12:49:51 GMT

I was right, I cant do this.

Jake is way too clingy, and at the wrong times.
When Im wanting to just have fun, he is stuck
at my side. Last night I fell off the merry-go-round
[yeah, it was funny] and I felt like I broke a rib
and I was gonna puke, he didnt even come over
and rub my back as I was dry-heaving [srry for grafic mat.]
and all the other guys were like "jake, your girlfriend
is hurting really bad, why arent you over there?!"

Then when I got home I found out that Jake
had been threatening Jesse, one of his "good friends"
saying that if jesse kept flirting with him, he would
not be his friend ever again-even though jesse WASNT
flirting with me at all.

;aljsdglj;lfkhj;sljkh;ljskjfh
I cant stand it.

Wed, 21 May 2008 12:41:33 GMT

I had another panic last night.
I havent had a real panic attack
since I was dating dean, but I
had one last night. Oh it was
so scary. I dont know why im
so stressed right now. I should be
happy.
I have a boyfriend who
really cares about me finally
& I know Im going to screw it
up. I know it. I screw everything up.

Jake found out last night that
he can stay for my birthday and
for one of his favorite bands
that is coming to metamora
while he would be gone, but
he called his dad in cali and
he gets to stay :D I have a feeling
that this will help me lots.
He will be here for softball season
and my birthday and everything.
But he will leave on June 30th.
I wish I could go with him. His
dad said he wouldnt mind, but
my parents would.

and thats all for now.
I dont even know right now.
I dont even know.

Tue, 20 May 2008 12:48:00 GMT

I hope this is going to work
& I know it sucks that I am already
have doubts about the whole thing.
I like Jake. He is like no one I have
ever dated. Well, like one other person,
but it didnt work out, and I wont say names.
Anyway, he is super nice. Extra Super Nice.
Stupid me, though, has to like his friend
before I liked him. ughh. Why is my
life so complicated? Nelson is making
this so hard. I want to be his friend, but
he is just being really immature and
ignores Jake when I am around.-
he calls this "giving us space".
Ha.

Jake is going to California for half
the summer. He is going to miss
my birthday, I think & he wont be
here for softball season, which bums
me out.

Im not known for being good in the
"long distance realationship" area.
I cant even take 4 hours. How will
I be able to deal with him being
alll the way across the country?
I will figure this out. I want it to work.
If everyone else can do this, I can too.

Im still failing math. I need this credit.
I wont graduate if I dont pass. fuck.
I have to do 16 assignments in the
next 24 hours to graduate on time.
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. not.

Mon, 19 May 2008 12:52:02 GMT

Friday night I went to stone with Stephanie and Chatoh.
Needless to say, I had a blast. I love those stupid corny
line dances. Oh and it was super funny to watch Alex D.
"walk it out" and "two-steph" :D
After stone, we went to a party a few minutes away in
Bartonville. I felt awkward at first, but Tim showed up
and i was really happy. I drank a couple shots of peppermint
stuff. oh it was yummy-and some UV stuff that tasted
like strawberry skittles. I was tipsy. I had a good time.
Ian lux showed up, and it was awkward.

Saturday I went to Germantown Hills with Maggie
and we stayed at Spencer's house all day. His dad
was drunk and kept giving me high fives. It was a
gaaaag. Wilson, Simon, Wendy, Jake, D, Micheal,
Ryan, and his cousin were there. Jake played his
quitar for me all night. Then we had to be home
at 11 so we went home, at some bbq chicken and
snuck back out and went back to spencers. I layed
with jake alone in spencers room for 3 hours watching
the Fresh Prince of Bellaire..lawls.

Sunday we went to the show in Metamora. It
was really awkward with Nelson there, especially
since he was throwing a fit. D and I both cried
by the end of the night. I got a shirt from Thee
Armada. I met some new people. Im really happy.

oh and Im dating Jake. He asked me out last night.
Im really really really happy. I like him alot.
I know this relationship is gonna last. I know it.

Thu, 15 May 2008 12:50:27 GMT

K. Last night was fun.
I went to Metamora to
see Nelson, Calvin, and Ethan
in one of their choir concerts.
I sat with Maggie, Chasiti, Jake
Wilson, and Ryan. I am beginning
to think that Maggie and I are
going to be great friends. Pretty
much best friends, besides Steph williams.

it may sound wierd, but I have never
had a guy kiss me first. Usually I kiss
them, and they follow. I feel so stupid
for this. I always feel like Im forcing a
guy to do stuff, but guess what!?
A boy actually kissed me first, for once.
Jake. Last night. Right before him
and Wilson totally mooned me and
Mags-ewwww. But the kiss was great.
And I was super happy. I felt like a
boy REALLY actually liked me for once.

one thing though-I have the feeling
Jake thinks im using him to get back
at Nelson, or make Nelson jealous.
Well Im not. I am going to call him
first thing when I get home and tell
him his assumption is wrong.

Im feeling sooo great right now.

Friday-stone with steph floyd
Saturday-hanging out with jake maggie and ryan alll day
Sunday-acoustic show in metamora. hanging out with jake =]

Wed, 14 May 2008 12:41:27 GMT

Im not going to sit around and wait for
Nelson to make up his mind. I guess
I knew what he wanted in the beginning
and for once, I didnt give it up. Im really
pleased with myself. This is the start of
something new. Im very very happy.

I still dont have a boyfriend,
but I gained alot of self-respect.

I cant wait for the weekend.
Friday-stone
Saturday-hanging with Mags,
Jakers, and Ryan. woot =]
Sunday-show in metamora
get to see jakers. i love his
company.

Mon, 12 May 2008 12:42:13 GMT

Nothing beautiful lasts forever.

^^^i love this.

Thu, 08 May 2008 12:52:25 GMT

I think its wierd sometimes, the way he plays
his games. But I found a way to beat his system.

Amanda.

Wed, 07 May 2008 12:53:00 GMT

last night was super fun.
Mags & I went to the bay to see Nelson
and Jake. Jake has to be the most shy
boy I have ever met. All he ever wants
to do is play the guitar and laugh at
everything anyone ever says...but he
barely talks. Nelson looked extra cute
wearing Wilsons glasses but Mags stole
them and I cant decided who looks better in
them.
We played basketball in Nelsons front yard
for about an hour. I suck at basketball. But
Nelson is a baller but just because hes tall.
Jake thinks I have way too much energy. I
kept hugging him because I knew it made
him feel uncomfortable. It was great. =]

Nelson's momma made us tacos. They were
yummy. I was eating mine on the top bunk of
Nelsons brothers bed, and i grabbed nelsons plate
which still had a taco on it, and jumped off the bed
onto another bed, where i dropped the taco on his plain
white sheets. I felt so bad, but Nelson told his mom he did
it and he just kissed me and told me it was ok. I cant
help it-he is just so amazing.

I have his shirt on today.
Today is going to be great.

Mon, 05 May 2008 13:16:21 GMT

Im really starting to like Nelson.
He's crazy and wierd, but so cute
and when he sings to me, I just wish
he could do it forever, but just for me.
I love it when hes singing and he gets
really close up in my face, his lips brushing
against mine, and i just want to kiss him so
bad, but I still want him to sing, so im
patient and I wait till there is a pause,
and i barely kiss him. gaaaaaaaaaah.
yeah. its so cute. but I still think he
likes this amanda girl. I dont know how
to handle the situation and how to ask
him about it, so ive just been avoiding it,
hoping he doesnt.

I am thinking back two weeks ago...
Brittany's mom was right...these past
couple weeks have been so scary and
so lonely for me, and they still are. Gosh
I wish I wouldnt have been so fucking stupid
with Jed. fuckkkkkk. I really think Im screwed.
I think Im going to lose Nelson because of this.

Thu, 01 May 2008 12:47:27 GMT

He called last night, and I want to believe him.

But I dont.

BFF, my ass.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:49:46 GMT

Lately Im really missing Heather.
I cant get her out of my head. She
is all I think about. What if we were
still friends? Would my past couple
of months been as fun as they have been?
Doubt it, but still.
She made me so strong,
gave me so much advice.
She was my backbone.
I want her back, SO BAD.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:51:30 GMT

Last night was the best night of my life.

For you I will.
For you I will.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:50:23 GMT

This weekend was AMAZING.
I didnt do anything Friday. I slept from
6 PM till noon Saturday. It was great.
Then I went to a show in Creve Core that
was gay beyond belief, but it was fun anyway.
I met a dude named Damien who is GOD a
the guitar. His hair is longer than mine too. He
is very cool. Sunday I did a new acrylic. Im so excited
for the schools issue for Bloom to come out. I have
a lot of art work in there. I need to put my new stuff
on the computer. My new painting is of a lotus flower
but its all abstract-ish.

There is a show tonight, but the weather is shitty.
But im still really pumped. =]

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 12:37:05 GMT

I talked to Brye for almost half
the night and almost didnt get
my speech done, but I stayed
up till 12:30 to do it. Im exhausted.

Brye needs new friends.
Basically anyone who never lived in Delevan.
Ha.

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:49:44 GMT

I didnt sleep last night, and Im not sure why.

Either Im scared for the next couple of weeks,
or I just couldnt wait for school today.

I talked to Brittany's mom about my future
last night. I was crying for a good hour
because of it. She said the next few weeks
are going to be scary and lonely for me if
I dont let my parents in on my little secret.
I dont know what to do, but I dont want to
lose all the trust Ive gained lately.

I am not sure if i was excited, or scared for school,
actually. I know I dont want to see Thomas or Jed,
but I do want to see Keirston and Morgan, who I miss
dearly. I havent hung out with any of my friends because
of this stupid term paper that Ive been working on up until
the day its due...TODAY. Now that Im here at school and
was planning on printing it out, and finishing my works cited
page, I realize, I emailed the wrong paper to myself, so im left
with nothing.

I hope today gets ALOT better.

Im hungry.
I cant wait for 2D today. I want to paint something new.